Nerves and stage fright are a given in the world of being a professional actor, before both auditions and performances. These things are also a given for young, aspiring actors, before and during classes, auditions and performances. I know many wonderful professional actors who have dealt with constant and near-crippling stage fright and anxiety throughout their careers. There is one story that has been passed around for decades about a legendary actor who got sick to her stomach before each and every performance. Other successful actors will sometimes experience pre-performance symptoms, ranging from relatively tame symptoms such as self doubt, butterflies in the stomach, and lightheadedness, to more serious symptoms, such as a crippling fear of failure, hyperventilating, shaking uncontrollably, crying, full blown panic attacks, bowel trouble, and many others. Sound familiar, anyone? So please remember, as young aspiring actors, you are already in an elite club if you have experienced any of these forms of stage fright!!!!! :o)
Most importantly, remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It is often the feeling of shame in having nerves and stage fright that is the most debilitating thing of all, the feeling that you alone suffer from it. So dispel yourself of that myth.
I have worked with scores of wonderful actors in my professional career, and many of them have offstage jitters before each and every show. I have my own unique kinds of jitters. But in a myriad of ways, each successful working professional actor has learned to “tame” their fear and anxiety before auditions and performances enough to get onstage, do their work brilliantly, and succeed.
Believe it or not, symptoms of stage fright and nerves is not even limited to auditions and performances. A wonderful, award-winning actor I worked with in the world premiere of a play at a regional theater, had a panic attack during the first day of rehearsal! We all assembled in the rehearsal room for coffee, often called a “Meet and Greet;” then the cast did a read-through the entire script for the director, producers, designers and staff of the theater. Read-throughs can be an intimidating experience, even though the actors have already auditioned, been cast, signed there Equity contracts and arrived for the first day of work. At the break between acts, all of us actors hightailed to the exit door and stood in the hall away from the others. The actor I mentioned was pacing and breathing heavily. I asked him what was wrong. He said, “I HATE pink slip day!” “What do you mean, pink slip day?” I asked. “You know, the first day of rehearsal,” he said laughing uncomfortably. “I don’t know why, but on the first day of rehearsal, the day we actors all arrive and meet everyone and do the read-through, I’m always terrified everyone will realize they made a mistake in casting me and hand me my pink slip, along with my walking papers, at the end of the day. I’m overcome with anxiety until I get through that first day.” And this actor was fantastic in the read-through, fantastic in the role, and he works constantly in high profile productions. In truth, the first read though is a working process in which the actors, director, designers and producers get to know each other creatively and get a sense of where the production needs to go in rehearsal and performance. Although there is a tremendous amount of pressure on the actors who are actively reading the script, there are many purposes for the event, from allowing the director to hear the actors relate to one another for the first time, to the designers getting a sense of the script and the sound of the dialogue to make creative design decisions. I often felt the same anxiety on the first day of rehearsal, but I was sure I was the only one feeling doubt and nerves. By naming the source of his anxiety in a humorous way, my acting colleague had created a fantastic coping mechanism. “Have you ever been handed your pink slip on the first day of rehearsal,” I whispered to him, grinning. He shook his head no and grinned back. “But it always FEELS like it’s going to happen.” To this day, when I feel similar nerves on the first day of rehearsal, I think of him, smile, try to relax, and say, “it’s just the pink slip day blues.”
Another fabulous actor I worked with had a similar experience with nerves later in the creative process; half way through the rehearsal process, the acting company performs what is called “the first run-through” or, more humorously, “a stumble-through” of the play, off book, (meaning fully memorized), in the rehearsal room, for the director, designers, producers and other staff. It is certainly a milestone in the creative process for actors, having to perform off book for the first time. At that point, our work is both half finished and half unfinished. For the play this actor and I were doing together, he showed up for the afternoon run-through in a state of intense anxiety. I asked him what was wrong. “Nuremberg run-through today,” he said, smiling through his discomfort. I laughed, recognizing the feeling from my own experience. For him, the stumble through felt like being on trial for Nazi war crimes in the military tribunals after the Allies defeated Hitler in World War II. It was a brilliant analogy, to be sure. and it made me laugh. I had been feeling the same dread and anxiety he had but I did not having a name for what I was feeling. Again, by naming his emotional predicament in a creative way, he had found a great coping mechanism. And to this day, I still call stumble throughs “Nuremberg run-throughs.” By acknowledging the discomfort of performing for other artists half way through rehearsal, it is then possible to realize that, in essence, the purpose of the event is only partly to watch the acting. It is also a work day for the director, as he or she needs to get a first look at the whole piece without stopping and starting in order to plan his or her work needs for future rehearsals. The set, lighting, sound, and costume designers want to see the work in progress in order to adjust their own creative work to fit what the actors are doing. And the Public Relations people are trying to figure out how best to advertise the production. In the final analysis, though the actors might be nervous, the rest of the staff is there to SUPPORT them, not her them down.
Finally, I want to write about one of my great heroes, one of the stars of my first Broadway show. A brilliant and celebrated Tony award and Oscar winning actor who was subsequently knighted by the Queen of England, this actor suffered from intense nerves. I learned about his plight the very first day of rehearsal. As it was my very first professional role, and in a Broadway play to boot, I had gotten there early to warm up, terrified of being judged substandard in the read through and being given my pink slip. A couple minutes after I had arrived in the rehearsal hall (I was alone and no one had arrived yet, not even the stage manager), this actor tentatively entered the rehearsal hall, quivering and clutching his script, even though he had done the play in London’s West End and had won a Laurence Olivier Award for his performance. “Hello,” he said softly. He told me his name as if he didn’t expect me to recognize him. I say hello and told him my name. “Oh, I’ve heard all about you,” he said, brightening and smiling. “I heard your audition was spectacular! I’m so honored to be working with you!” He put his hand out, took my hand, and shook it gently. There was no “star” ego, no sense of one-upmanship whatsoever. I was stunned. This was the very last thing I had expected to happen. Then he chuckled and went on, “I always get so dreadfully nervous for the first day of rehearsal, don’t you? I’m afraid I’ll arrive and they’ll tell me it was all a funny little joke, that the play really isn’t going to happen.” “I feel the same way!” I exclaimed. I had been thinking the same thing all morning, so thrilled to be playing a major supporting role in a highly anticipated Broadway production but also fearing it was some elaborate practical joke. We were fast friends from then on, and we supported each other equally in both rehearsal and performance.
On opening night, I noticed this same celebrated actor’s nightly backstage ritual. Through out the run of the show, he stood offstage before every performance, pacing, hopping up and down, checking his pockets , touching his shoes and arms and legs and face, and at last, he literally knocked or patted the back of his head with his right hand. He performed this odd ritual over and over, just before his first entrance. This was my first Broadway show and I revered him. I assumed that the head knocking/patting in particular had some profound artistic and spiritual significance, as if he was calling on the Gods of Artistic Genius to fill him with inspiration and bless his performance. I also assumed that he was on speaking terms with these Gods. Finally, a few weeks after opening night, I found the courage to ask him what he was doing and he said,” Oh, that? I’m just making sure everything is in place, making sure I’m in my skin and in my body and in my costume and in my character, then I’m knocking on the back of my head.” “Why?” I asked. “There seems to be some deep meaning to it and I’ve been trying to figure it out.” He laughed. “It’s just knocking on wood, my dear,” he said. “What?” I asked, not comprehending the connection. “You know, dear, knocking on wood for good luck. Like my head is a piece of wood and I’m patting it for good luck. It’s nothing more than that. It’s simple, really. I don’t know why but it centers me and calms me down.”
His ritual was that simple. This actor went onstage, night after night and brought the house down with his incredible performance, received standing ovations every single night, and was nominated for a Tony award. I also noticed that all the things that made this actor a tentative, shy, worried and vulnerable person offstage, became his greatest strengths once he got himself onstage. It was a huge lesson in confidence because usually, we actors think of confidence as being steeled against all outside threats; instead, I learned that confidence was all about being in touch with one’s humanity, one’s fears and worries about achieving happiness and success in the face of a challenging and sometimes fickle and cruel world. When I was nervous before subsequent performances, I secretly tried this actor’s technique for myself, knocking on the back of my head off in a dark corner, backstage, but, perhaps not surprisingly, his “knocking on wood” ritual didn’t work for me. Instead, I had to struggle to find my own pre-show ritual to calm my nerves.
Over time, I developed my own version of “knocking on wood.” It involves shaking myself out (if I’m shaking from nerves, why not shake to beat the band!), then centering myself and energizing myself with an intense dance warm up, and then adding breathing and voice exercises. I reconnect with the basic, dramaturgical storytelling themes and ideas in the play. I sometimes followed this with practicing my lines and reading my scenes over and over, reading inspiring quotes and poems, and listening to music on my headphones backstage and singing along, music that I had chosen for that particular show and character, music that relaxed me and helped get me into the character. But again, what works for me may not work for anyone else.
So… what can YOU do about your specific anxiety? First, really look at what your nerves are telling you about yourself.
First, aspiring actors constantly tell me that they LOVE what they do, despite their constant nerves, and that is the most important thing of all. SO…. Before every performance or auditions, try to re-frame your anxiety and stage fright as LOVE for what you are doing. Actually say to yourself in a positive and affirming manner, “I am feeling LOVE for what I do.” I wouldn’t be surprised if just saying this simple phrase helps you conquer some of your fear. After all, despite your anxiety, you keep performing and auditioning. You haven’t quit! Believe me, scores of people quit studying theater because they cannot take the constant wear and tear on their nerves. If your anxiety were truly crippling, you wouldn’t be able to overcome it enough to actually walk out onstage! So even though you might be experiencing uncomfortable symptoms, don’t feel there is something WRONG with you. Everyone feels anxiety at challenging moments in life. Not to be sentimental and hokey, but please, call what you are experiencing exactly what it is! You are feeling LOVE! PASSION! EXCITEMENT! ENERGY! LOVE is dangerous and intense and exciting. Your performing means that much to you. You are passionate enough about it to care deeply. To that I say bravo!
As well, most every aspiring actor I’ve ever worked with tells me that their anxiety and stage fright have not caused them to truly panic and forget their lines or otherwise fail when they are onstage or in an audition. If you have literally “melted down” in performance several times, then you might need to get counseling or speak with a doctor about an anxiety disorder. But if you are able to overcome your nerves enough to succeed onstage and get cast at auditions, that is a HUGE positive sign! You are, therefore, already successfully handling nerves and stage fight. And although your anxiety doesn’t feel great before you perform, it doesn’t keep you from doing great onstage. So again, I say, BRAVO!
As a private acting coach, I can assure you that each and every gifted student actor I work with has worries and concerns and anxiety before performing and auditioning. So how do I help them deal with it? I usually start by assuring my students that I would truly worry if they were NOT somewhat nervous at times! I mean this seriously! If the act of appearing in public on a stage, as well as being vulnerable as a character in a scene, at auditions or in performance, didn’t cause some stress, I would think something was wrong with you! So anxiety is a GIVEN. You just have to learn to use your anxiety to benefit your work. You have to learn to make your jitters work FOR you and not AGAINST you. After all, nerves are ENERGY, and ENERGY in performing is a great thing.
You can try many, many warm up techniques from a variety of acting methods to try to transform your nervous energy into positive performance energy. These exercises can be found in a variety of acting texts or by coaching with a private acting and audition coach. Obviously, as I am a coach, I would recommend this route. :o) Much of what a private acting coach does in session is work meticulously on erasing fear and doubt in a student’s acting work, physically, vocally and emotionally, and replacing it with passion, conviction, energy and great technique.
I also stress to my students that a life in the theater is SO competitive and challenging, especially offstage, that the last thing that actors should do is feel negative feelings while they are actually performing or auditioning! An audition, in essence, is a chance to perform. Approach it with joy and excitement. Worry about whether or not you’ll get cast AFTER the fact, not during the audition. You cannot control whether or not you get hired or chosen from an audition. But you can control almost EVERYTHING about the audition itself. You control how third you work to prepare the audition, how you warm up before the audition and how you relate to the director. And if you just keep performing and auditioning any chance you get, keeping working at your craft, keeping throwing your hat in the ring and giving it your best shot, and work doggedly to perform with LOVE for what you do and not FEAR that you will be judged negatively, I’m sure that little by little, you will learn to tame your nerves. They may never go away completely, but that’s not the point. The point is to always expect nerves as part of the creative process, and find exercises that transform your worries into positive, useable energy.
Remember too that all characters in great plays or musicals are experiencing anxiety and worry… they want things terribly, want them more then they want to live even, without knowing exactly how to get what they want in the course of a play. After all, it wouldn’t be THEATER without these internal and external dramatic conflicts! So if you are experiencing worry and anxiety, you are already half way to being in character! So yet again, I say bravo!
Confidence in acting, in other words, is NOT about being steeled and invincible; It is, instead, about having confidence in the whole fabric of your character’s humanity, which means having confidence in your own humanity as well, which means having confidence in the fears and worries and doubts ALL human beings feel as they brace themselves to live their lives and try to achieve their goals and dreams… Both human beings, and characters, struggle to achieve the most difficult things in life… finding and holding on to true love, achieving personal or professional success despite huge challenges, achieving safety and stability and permanence in life, overcoming betrayal and disappointment and duplicity, achieving healthy family relationships, trying to be a good parent or child or life partner, or any one of a myriad of goals. Embrace the struggle towards completion that all human beings share, in both your life, and in your performing, and you will never fail. And this, too, will calm your nerves. It is a thrilling experience to stand on a stage and tell the world, via your art, about what you deeply believe about humanity and dignity and the human experience!
Stage fright and nerves nearly always result from being worried about being rejected or judged to be bad. And if you spend your mental and emotional energy before a performance or audition being worried that people won’t like you, you just cannot take the risks necessary to show your deepest feelings and vulnerabilities onstage. You have to choose to focus on what you LOVE about performing over the WORRY of being rejected. PERIOD.
Most human beings have a mean-spirited little inner critic in our heads that would like nothing better than to destroy our confidence and cripple us with worry. These inner critics are intimidating but they aren’t terribly bright. They have only one line of attack, DESTROY!!! And then, too, there are the spiteful human beings in life that would like to succeed by destroying other people’s confidence. AVOID THESE PEOPLE. A great teacher once told me to simply IGNORE my inner critic’s voice, and by and by, in a few minutes, he or she will simply get bored and decide to go bother someone else. This helped me SO much! I have even tried personifying and envisioning the inner critic in my head. My vision of my inner critic is a smelly, unkempt, lazy little green troll with lots of warts and bad teeth. In fact, now that I think about it, my inner troll looks and acts a lot like Seuss’s THE GRINCH THAT STOLE CHRISTMAS! The green and greedy Grinch is not a bad personification, huh? He is truly someone who wants to destroy the happiness of others. But please, feel free to crate your own version!
As for developing my own pre-show warm up ritual to calm myself and overcome jitters, I learned to banish my inner “troll” by focusing on getting ready to perform, thinking about what made me so excited about my character and the story of the play, and using music that helped me drown out that obnoxious voice of doubt. You can experiment to find a warm up ritual that works for you. Warm ups should ready you physically, emotionally, and emotionally for the work at hand, so cover all these bases. Shake yourself out. Stretch and move and work out to get your body working. Do a great vocal warm up. Read your scenes over an over and use your imagination to make the world of the play come alive. Re-state your character’s overall objective in the play in a variety of ways, physical, emotional and vocally, then all three together! Often, other actors will be enthusiastic about doing a GROUP warm up. So if you have friends who want to join you in your warm up and share their ideas, all the better. The more each and every member of the cast overcomes nerves and learns to focus on the joy of performing, the better it is for everyone. Find music you like or draw in your journal or keep photographs and pictures on your wall that bring you closer to the play or the character. Find poems that you love to read offstage. I have selections by Rilke and Neruda and Stevens that I keep on my dressing table at each and every performance. You’ll know you’re on to something if your warm up makes you salivate with excitement before you’re going to perform without feeling you’ll pass out from stress.
To end my missive, I want to return to something the star actor who I worked with in my first Broadway show told me at what may have been my lowest point during the run of the show. A few weeks into the run of the show, and after I had gotten some pretty great reviews, and the show had been deemed a critical hit, I arranged a house seat for a friend of mine, a fellow actor who was talented but struggling to find work, to see me in the show. I was so excited to have him there and felt great about the show. Afterwards, this friend came backstage in my dressing room. He proceeded to criticize my performance ruthlessly and panned the entire production as well. His rant was bitter and caustic and hurtful. There was nothing he liked about the play, the actors, or the performance. Then he asked if I wanted to go out for a drink. I begged off, saying I has a headache.
I was so shocked and so upset, I stayed in the green room crying after my friend left. I was absolutely devastated. The star actor whose pre-show ritual included “knocking on wood” saw me crying and asked if I wanted to walk to the bus stop with him (yes, even Broadway stars take the bus home!). When we got on the bus, he asked me what was wrong and I told him about my friend’s rant. Immediately, I saw this actor’s blood begin to boil. Usually, he was a vulnerable, sweet, unassuming man offstage, but when I shared my hurt with him, he began speaking boldly, with passion and righteous anger. He said some things to me that I will never forget. “Never forget this, Lisbeth,” he said. “Your performance was spectacular tonite. It is spectacular every night! That’s why you were cast in this show and deserve to be on Broadway!”
“But maybe he’s right,” I said sadly. “Maybe this is just a fluke, my getting cast on Broadway.”
“What rubbish, my dear, he replied. “Do not indulge in self-pity. I do what I do, being an actor, because there is nothing else in the world I am capable of doing! This is what I was meant to be. I love acting more than I love my own life! Don’t you?”
“Yes,” I said. “A thousand times yes.”
“I thought so, my dear. So again, stand up tall and embrace this life. For me, there was never any other path in life that made any sense to me. In fact, I know that I’d fail miserably at every other profession in the world.
“I can relate to that, “ I said.
“Right, Lisbeth. So I don’t care one bit what small-minded critics and fair weather friends have to say that’s critical about my acting performances. Before I learned to do shut out that criticism, the stress of being an actor almost literally destroyed me. Now, I trust only a handful of friends and colleagues to comment on my work.”
“But what about all the amazing reviews you got for this show? You didn’t read any of them?”
“Whatever they said, I’m grateful for the approval but I don’t need it. It’s always more about THEM than it is about my performance. So I don’t read reviews any more. Even the great reviews. Great reviews can be just as damaging to an actor as the terrible ones.”
“Really?” I asked.
“YES!!!! You know that I struggle with anxiety and stage fight every night, but I work through it and get onstage and do what I love to do. So I’m not going to let some stupid critic or pompous untalented actor make me doubt myself! Once, a critic deified my performance, and after I read the review, I couldn’t recreate my great performance again. It ruined my work on that part.”
“Wow,” I said.
Lisbeth, believe me, you have the talent and passion to achieve a great career. But like I did, you have to learn to protect yourself from mean spirited critics and envious “friends” who feel the need to destroy your confidence. Your “friend” is clearly NOT your friend. He is bitter about not being able to get acting working so he had to try and destroy your happiness as you debuted on Broadway. Do you know how many times I’ve seen people do that to fellow actors? Bitter people are a dime a dozen. Don’t let him do that. Cut him out of your life, now. Don’t let anyone do that to you! Stay away from destructive people. Come to me if you want feedback and approval, not to those that don’t give a shit about you or the integrity of the work. I always distrust people that have NOTHING good to say about a performance. Work hard to overcome your need for too much approval from the outside world about your acting. Trust a few treasured, supportive colleagues, like me, and forget the rest. Don’t read reviews any more and I stay away from “friends” who want to assert their stupid “constructive criticisms” about your work. Treasure the creative process of the work and the joy it gives you onstage, right?”
I was riveted and I knew he was speaking the truth to me but I couldn’t speak. I just nodded and smiled.
“Remember, my dear, that you are an actor because you’ve been called to it, and protect your artistic nature fiercely or you will open yourself to having your heart broken, over and over again.”
At the end of this speech, my amazing colleague and scene partner was in tears, identifying with my pain, furious at the callous cruelty that I had suffered, and adamant about what I should do to regain my confidence. He got off at my stop and walked me to my building so I’d get home safely. This meant that he had an extra 25 blocks to walk to his own place.
The next night, I came in early to the theater. I was still hurting terribly. But little by little, I felt something new and powerful offstage as I warmed up. Slowly, I overcame my nerves, worked to regain the confidence my now EX friend had tried to destroy in me, and in the process, I felt more centered and focused and passionate about my work offstage. I felt relaxed and filled with conviction offstage. I watched the star actor “knock on wood” several times before his entrance and understood his pre-show ritual in a deeper way. And once the performance started, and especially in my big, flashy Act II scene with the star actor (the scene my EX friend had said he hated more than anything else), in which my character (ironically, a young aspiring actress, who in the scene has her confidence destroyed by a mean spirited colleague, played by the star actor), I felt a profound sense of connection with my character and my amazing scene partner as well as with the audience as a whole. I was also able to bring the anxiety and fear that my ex friend had caused me into the performance and use it constructively to make the scene and my performance work better than it had ever been. I even got exit applause when I left the stage after the scene.
I will never forget that performance. And through it all, I felt the show’s star, my scene partner, friend, and colleague, giving me profound human support and artistic acceptance that helped me get over my need for outside approval. It was one of the greatest acting lessons I ever had had, and it happened on a Broadway stage. Together, through our total commitment to each other and to our work, we had an incredible camaraderie and singularity of purpose that made the work fly. The confidence I found that night has never really left me.
It took a number of years, but little by little, I too stopped reading reviews during the run of a show I am in, and a few years after that, I stopped reading reviews altogether. Slowly but surely, I developed a small circle of trusted colleagues to ask for feedback on my work. And ever since that night on the M10 uptown bus, I have tried to hold on to the lesson I learned from a great Broadway actor and colleague. It was the greatest lesson about doubt and anxiety I have ever learned.
I pass that lesson on to you.
Image credit: Freddy Peña on Flickr
